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I found this book helpful and frustrating at the same time. It was helpful in understanding the character of the strong willed child, but I wanted more specific strategies -- particularly in how to negotiate with them.This could be to do with my own temperament and learning style rather than any fault with the book, and I certainly enjoy Cynthia Tobias' writing style. I guess I would have liked some more examples or 'Step 1, 2, 3' in how to communicate.
Great book if you have a hard time understanding your strong willed child. This book changed my life with regards to dealing with my daughter. I was not one so I had a hard time understanding mine. I actually bought this specific book for a friend and used my own about six years ago or so, which I lent out to someone over the years and never got back. I figured out how to talk to her and get the results that we needed. I say two thumbs up.
Finally, an inside look at the strong willed child. Thank you for helping me to understand and appreciate more my precious gift.
After reading some of the negative reviews on this book, I am happy to say that I was still pleased with it myself. I do not have any problems with the "God" part of this book and felt better equipped at interacting with my SWC after reading this book. If you have any qualms about the "religion" in this book, my advice would be to do as with anything else and take from it what you need and what is useful to you without judging the authors beliefs.
I am sure those students knew exactly what she was doing. These are two examples of why this book concerns me. Back to the story, she tells the story of being told by her department chair to use a set of particular books in her class. So, I'm a very strong willed person myself. She tells a story about when she was in church and learned the song, "Trust and obey" Well, since she didn't like the song the way it was, she sang "Trust and Comply," substituting comply for obey and the last line of "Trust and obey for there's no other way, to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey" She sang "Trust and Comply, for I know the reason why, to be happy in Jesus than to trust and comply." Now, this may seem silly, but her point is that it was HER choice to obey--taking God out of the picture.
If you are a Christian parent, please be careful with this book. But, as a Christian mom, I have some serious concerns about her perspectives on strongwilled children. But, there is a huge integrity issue there. This book condones and perpetuates the patterns I saw in so many middle schoolers. As she retold the story, there was no remorse or regret for what she did. What kind of example was she setting for them--that they didn't need to respect authority.
If you are a Christian, then please read my review. But, as I read on, I came to have major issues with this book. I am by trade a middle school teacher. Chair asked if she used them and she said "Yes." No, she did not. She repeatedly talks about how important it is always to give strong willed children choices all the time and not tell them what to do. We are saved by God's GRACE--His ACTION, NOT OURS. It is absolutely important that she obey me.The second story comes later in the book about a time when she was teaching English at a public school. And obedience is important.
At first, as I was reading this book, I thought, well, you can sift through what she says to glean what you can. The Dept. She surely wasn't in this case. Most of all, the greatest lesson I learned as a strong willed woman was how to listen to others and learn from their experiences and advice. I'm sorry, but when I'm crossing a busy street and ask for my daughter's hand--I am not going to give her a choice.
She didn't want to, so she checked out the books and took them to her classroom. I am not raising robots. Cynthia Tobias has been greatly lauded in the homeschool community for her educational theories. I also desire for them to be independent individuals. When I look at my little girls and my particularly strong willed one, I want them to grow up with a healthy respect for authority and a willingness to be obedient and submissive. That, above all, is what I want my strongest daughter to learn. I am so saddened that so many people loved this book. Then she collected them and returned them.
By her scale in the beginning of the book for strong willed people (1 to 12, 12 being high), I am a 10 or 11. I have to disagree, because I did and I so I hope my daughter will, too. She uses this story as an example of how Strong willed children believe that rules are only guidelines and that they are going to live with them as such--and most importantly that this is OKAY from her perspective. She passed out the books and instructed the students to sit on them for the class period. And that is the one thing Cynthia Tobias says she will not. It is very subtle, but it does not condone submission to authority or integrity in strong willed children.
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